“Dating is NOT about you.”

I’m beginning to see just how hard it is to think this way…

I have a couple posts almost ready to go that have been waiting in queue, but after hearing Pastor John’s first message in the DTR2 Series, I’m going to have to shoot this one out before those. This one will make it on the Xanga as well, for those who couldn’t make it out to the series, and it’s a message worth hearing.

When P. John began by saying that he would be going back to principles heralded in the Reformation, I got immediately excited. “I don’t know how he’s going to do it,” I thought, “but its going to be great.” And it was quite possibly the best message on dating I have ever heard…and I’ve heard the Rick Holland and Chris Mueller series.

As much as I hate to admit it, over the years I have been inundated with the “wisdom” of the world in regards to the topic of dating. I can clearly remember conversations I’ve had where I would talk with another Christian brother about how the Bible has little to say about dating relationships. I can just picture Pastor John screaming at me now. “How DARE you say the Bible has little to say about dating relationships!” Oops.

Sure, it doesn’t seem like the Bible talks much about dating, but as Pastor John so markedly pointed out, the worldview that should be established by God’s Word has EVERYTHING to do with dating relationships. To place the topic of dating outside of the scope of 1 Corinthians 10:31, especially a relationship that might lead to the most important human relationship of your life, is quite absurd.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31

I think that the world has developed the notion that happiness lies in getting what you want in a relationship and in marriage. If you end up with the kind of person that fits your profile, who pleases you, its all gravy, and nothing can go wrong after that. It’s the “Happily Ever After Fallacy.”

For someone who desires the glory of God above all else, how can being self-serving and God-ignoring in dating relationships EVER end with Happily Ever After? Furthermore, we know that God is faithful in bringing his true children back into right relationship with Him, so a child of God in God-ignoring sin will eventually have to feel the pain of God graciously removing the idols in his life.

I don’t want that. I’ve had enough pain. It seems to make a whole lot of sense right now to just do it God’s way.

But now comes the daunting task of applying the “Solas” of the Reformation to a view on dating that is constantly being assaulted and warped by the pressures of culture.

Sola Scriptura – Is Scripture alone my guide, or modern day wisdom?

Sola Gratia – Do I realize it is only by the grace of God that any relationship will be sustained?

Sola Fide – Do I have faith in God through all of this? Do I trust him to have my good in His plan?

Sola Christus – Am I living for Christ alone? Will my relationship be Christ centered?

Sola Deo Gloria – Can I say that my motivation is the glory of God?

Tough questions to answer. But as bad as I feel while evaluating these things in my life, I take joy that with the direction and worldview established by these things, I at least know the foundation I ought to have, going about dating and relationships.

Two Christian brothers were walking in San Francisco’s Sunset District on a damp and chilly night. It was a familiar scene. Not much had changed since the last time they had walked that street, only that the two men walking on it were older, with more tired eyes and shorter hair.

“Hey Frank,” said one of them, reminiscing, “We got saved about the same time, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Its pretty amazing how God used two non Christians to push each other towards Christ.”

Frank was silent for a few moments. “Hmm, that is kinda amazing,” he said finally. A slight smile broke on the corner of his face.

The first let out a long sigh. “This is life, huh?” He looked up at the faintly visible stars, more obscured by the yellow glow of the streetlights. “You know, back then, I didn’t think that life would be so hard,” he confessed, “I thought it would just kinda happen.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“and its only going to get harder…”

Both were silent for a while. The comment almost seemed to echo, sparking contemplation, fear, and excitement all at once.

Both were hit with the realization that at some point, they would need to grow up. At some point, the world would force them to. It already had started.

One broke the silence. “I miss the days when having faith was easy. As we get older, the chasm between the Christian and the world just grows greater….”

“…and to walk by faith requires more and more of a sacrifice” the other finished, knowing his thoughts exactly.

“Right.”

“I’m thankful for brothers to run with.”

“Me, too. Run hard, friend.”

Its been a trying time for my family, but prayer and perspective from another believer, even a struggling one, has helped pull me through.

Thanks, Frank. Run hard, friend.

I was recently struck with something from the Gospel of Luke that I had previously overlooked.

Most are familiar with the parable of the Good Samaritan. Even those outside the church are well acquainted with it. In fact, the term Samaritan has become synonymous for one who helps those in need. To show how “Samaritan” has infiltrated the language of our culture, I took the liberty of looking it up on Dictionary.com:

Sa·mar·i·tan /səˈmærɪtn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[suh-mar-i-tn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	an inhabitant of Samaria.

2.	good Samaritan.

3.	(often lowercase) one who is compassionate and helpful to a person in distress.

4.	any of the dialects of Aramaic spoken by the Samaritans in ancient Israel and until recently still spoken in Nablus.

Anyways, the parable comes in response to a lawyer asking Jesus how to inherit eternal life. Jesus has him point out the 2 great commandments: to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself.

The lawyer then asks: “and who is my neighbor?”

Jesus proceeds to tell of the story of the Good Samaritan. It was pointed out to me that at a cursory glance, Jesus never quite answers this man’s question. Instead, he asks the lawyer:

“Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” (ESV)

The lawyer is forced to respond, “The one who showed him mercy.”

To which Jesus commands him to go and do likewise.

What must have been going on in the mind of the lawyer? Jesus never gave him his answer. He gave him a story and a lecture instead.

But as Jesus always seems to do, he addresses the heart behind the law in question. The lawyer seemed interested in who he could exclude from the command to love your neighbor. For a law-type coming from a culture obsessed with the letter of the law, the lawyer was headed the minimalist’s route, hanging on the bottom line: “Whom do I not have to love?”

Jesus reroutes the entire thing. In one fell swoop, Jesus shows the lawyer that he’s asking the wrong question, proceeds to answer the right question, and cuts to the lawyer’s heart. The “neighbor” is the one who helps, not the one being helped. Its not about determining who your neighbor is, it is about being a neighbor. He asks, “who PROVED TO BE a neighbor?” The one who showed mercy, not the one on the ground.

In other words, your neighbors are not determined by convenience, proximity, access, or any external way of categorization. Jesus says, your neighbors are determined by those towards whom YOU prove yourself to be a neighbor. This essentially tells the lawyer: You are to love everyone. No one is excluded. The issue is not whether they are a neighbor. The issue is whether YOU are a neighbor.

The lawyer didn’t get it when he asked the question. But it looks like our friends at Dictionary.com get it:

neigh·bor /ˈneɪ bər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ney-ber] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	a person who lives near another.

2.	a person or thing that is near another.

3.	one’s fellow human being: to be generous toward one’s less fortunate neighbors.

4.	a person who shows kindliness or helpfulness toward his or her fellow humans: to be a neighbor to someone in distress.

5.	(used as a term of address, esp. as a friendly greeting to a stranger): Tell me, neighbor, which way to town?

Maybe if they had the internet back then, the lawyer wouldn’t have asked the question.

I guess the lesson for me in this is to not show partiality in my love of others. Which I actually have struggled mightily with in recent weeks. God has shown me that I am very partial with my love.

Sure, I go to great lengths for those people that I like. I put a lot of effort to serve those that I like being around. But then what about those people I don’t like as much? What about those people that I (gasp) actually dislike?

I would not outright do anything against them, but for those people I dislike, I just “put up” with them, meaning I do just enough to not outwardly be a jerk, then I leave it at that. How horrible. Isn’t withholding love a form of disobedience to God’s command to love one another?

James has a word for guys like that: Transgressor. (James 2:9) It looks like the folks at Dictionary.com have me beat as well.

For all the work I’ve done to love people, serve people, cultivate a servant’s heart, one that considers others better than himself, I still have a long way to go.

Lord help me.